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Monthly Archives: August 2009

If teardrops were diamonds

How wealthy I’d be.

If heartaches were dollars

I’d purchase the sea.

An ocean of sorrow

Is where I now dwell,

Still dreaming of heaven-

But living in hell.

So much betrayal

And poisoning words

No one is listening

I need to be heard.

If you want to judge me

Be careful, my friend

You may find yourself

Being judged in the end.

For you have not walked

The miles I have tread

And you have not felt

You were better off dead.

But your words are lethal

They cut and they kill.

Like a knife in your hand

They stab till I’m still.

And you are a murderer-

Making me bleed.

But not from my veins-

From my heart and my need.

I reach out for comfort

But you walk away

Leaving me lifeless-

I can’t make you stay.

And I find no solace

On this icy ground,

Just hatred and evil

No love to be found.

So shout out your words

And then walk away,

Wearing a smile

As you hurt and betray-

One who loves you

True and deep-

The one whose trust

You could not keep.

And tears will fall

Like freezing rain-

Tender drops of crystal pain.

As I watch you go…


Well, it’s just one more loss in a sea of losses, since I became estranged from my mother. This time it’s a cousin, who was like a brother to me. We were raised together for quite a few years. But he has condemned me with his bitter words, because he cannot see beyond the unyielding stance that he has taken. He cannot understand that I was close to dying, and still am, if this stress continues. Still, he keeps pushing me to do more, and I cannot. I have to save my own life now. That’s all the strength I have left. And I have nurtured my mother in the last 3 1/2 years more than she ever nurtured me in my entire life. I did all that I could, and I was rewarded with unkind words and hurt. It was never enough, and it would never be enough. People who judge are in peril of judgment themselves. You cannot fully know my pain, my struggles, or my sorrow. So do not judge me, for I can look my God in the face and say that I truly did the best I could. If He does not require more from me, how can you? You lost someone who truly loved you–someone who truly cared…