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It’s amazing that when you are hurting to the point of death, people (often close friends or family) come out of the woodwork, to hurt you more. Just when you think you have experienced everything, someone else stabs you in the back.

There is so much cruelty in this world, and unfortunately, from people who claim to be Christians. Only a close friend or family member could hurt you this badly. I am not really surprised though, because this person has always tried to judge me for many years. But I overlooked it, and tried to love her anyway. I am sure now that jealousy is at the root of it all.

God is not fond of those who try to stir up discord, and this person has taken a small comment of frustration from me, about her continuing know it all behavior, and used it to devastate everyone in our remaining family. But I know that I am not fighting flesh and blood, but Satan himself, acting through this person. Her motives are wrong, and her heart is wrong. Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. I can honestly say that my heart has been right in this relationship.  And before God, my heart is pure now.

She wrote a letter that pretty much wrecked everyone in our family-my brother, my mom and me. It was full of lies, half-truths, and venom. She even tried to hurt my memories of my dad, by saying something that she knew would hurt me. These words were calculated to annihilate and destroy. And for a moment, they did. But I will not give her the satisfaction of lingering over them anymore, because the spirit was totally evil. I know evil when I witness it, and this was from the pit of hell.

I have bigger things to worry about than someone who has chosen to be judge and jury, concerning my care of my mom. She always has a better idea, always has a story of how she did everything right with her dad (from changing his diapers, to spoon feeding him), and never misses a chance to tell me where I have gone wrong. I dismiss this person from my life. She is no longer significant, because I have much greater concerns. I am concerned about my mom, and I have NO regrets for the care that I have given her. I have loved her always, and have been there for her whenever she needed me, and anything else is a lie. I have been completely devoted to her for the past 3 years, since my dad died, and I will be there for her until her death. I have complete peace of mind about our realtionship. It was not always perfect, but it was and (is) always based on complete love and devotion, and I do not have to defend myself to anyone. Before God (my true Defender)–He knows the truth of my heart, and for that I am so very grateful.

This person uses accusations to cause guilt, outright lies to wound, and gossip to sow discord. She is not what she tries to appear, though I have not been fooled by her (ever.) Still, I have shown her love and acceptance. Always.

And so I ponder what kind of evil would cause a person to do such a thing, at a time when our family is in devastating crisis. At a time when the decisions we are facing are heartbreaking, and the pain we face daily is crushing. Condemnation instead of comfort is so hurtful. And none of us deserve it.

Perhaps one good thing did come from this. My brother and I have grown closer. We have talked, and I told him of my unconditional love for him. I told him that, even if at times I seem overwhelmed and frustrated with the primary care of my mom, I appreciate the things he has done, and I am pleased with him as a person. (Not that he even needs my approval. I just wanted him to know.) He has totally changed his life around, works hard, and does the best he can to make a decent life for his teenage son and himself. The stress of my mom’s illnesses and injuries has taken a toll on both of us, but I will not let the callousness and inhumanity of this cold, uncaring person come between us, or any member of my family. Nor will I let her destroy me or my memories.

Forgiveness will come, but it will take time…lots of time.  She has tried to inflict fatal wounds, but all she has succeeded in doing, is bringing my family closer in this sad time. What Satan intended for evil, God will use for good. And I do not have to continue to subject myself to the cruelty of her thoughts and words. And I will not subject myself to them.  She is dismissed from my life.

I cling to the kindness and grace of my God, and to His embrace, when I feel that I cannot take another step. He will deal with this person in His way, and in His time. His way is perfect. My task is to not grow bitter, and to somehow forgive.

But I will also use wisdom, and no longer leave my heart open to her wounds. Still, persecution helps me identify more with Christ and His sufferings…



  1. Sparkle,
    It is the enemy of our souls who works through those that are closest to us that causes our hearts to bleed.
    Yes, it is also the stradgy of the enemy to hit us when we are so low that we have to look up to see the bottom of the hole that we are in…
    I am sorry that this “friend” feels the need to bring strife and critisim to your family and to you…
    You are in my prayers, Sparkle…hold on. Just like the song, Thru the Fire, God is shielding you through this fire and He is your Shield…
    You are a wonderful caregiver and advocate for your mother…

  2. Thank you so much for understanding how much something like this can hurt. Sometimes it is enough to make you want to give up on people entirely, when they keep hurting you. Some people seem to be willing vessels for Satan to work his evil. It has to be demonically driven, because they know EXACTLY what to say to hurt deeply and destroy.

    Forgiveness will come, but wisdom tells me distance is wise. A person who would say these kind of things doesn’t have any of our best interests at heart.

    Sometimes separation is the only choice, like Lot and Abraham. To prevent strife, they both went their own ways, so that is Biblical.

    I have to remove the knife from my heart first for the healing to begin. At the moment I’m still bleeding.

    “Father forgive her, for she knows not what she’s done.”

    Shadowlands, thank you for caring enough to reach out to me in your time of anguish and grief. I love you dearly-Lonnette

  3. Sparkle,

    It is usually that we have grown too attached to our close friends or family members and have placed too much expectation in them that cause us so much hurt and pain. You are right to have chosen to focus on bigger things. The way you have chosen to react to her will determine how much she can hurt you. Do not allow her to inflict more pain.

  4. Novice 101: Thank you so much for your comments. As to the person who made these remarks, only those who are actually walking this road can imagine the heartbreak and sorrow that each day can bring. I have taken care of my mom for 3 years since my dad died, and I have laid aside my own life, and even my immediate family (daughter and husband) to do so. My own health is rapidly failing, and I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I pray that we can find an answer that is best for everyone involved. This person will not be allowed to inflict any more pain on our family. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you’ll come back again soon. Hugs-Sparkle

    • jessica H. underwood
    • Posted September 4, 2008 at 2:47 pm
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    there is a song that I often use a line from as I repeat it to myself over and over….””If there was a better way to go then it would find me. I cant help it the road just rolls out behind me. Be kind to me or treat me mean, I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine.” Fiona Apple “

    • jessica H. underwood
    • Posted September 4, 2008 at 3:41 pm
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    this is off the cuff on the subject but this song often comferts me when i think of sam as well as a very good friend we lost last week to the same idiotcy at fwbmc…what should have been routine heart vaulve cleaning turned into a nightmare and as with both of them i feel they should both still be here…thought i would share this one with you

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