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Okay, so I have this problem. I have always been a night owl-stayed up late-(midnight to 2.a.m.) But since my step-dad (since I was 7) died, and I became the primary caregiver for my mom, I now have a sleep disorder. I stay up late-often all night-until I literally can’t stay awake anymore. Right now I am a freelance writer, so I write a lot at night when the house is quiet. That part is nice-but not going to bed has become pathological. I have to change this around. I have to get more discipline in my life, so that I can feel better, and be healthy, not just physically, but emotionally. Sleep really affects your emotions, or should I say “lack of sleep.”

I try to figure out WHY I stay up, and I think it is an escape. An escape from stress, and all the problems of life. Loneliness, depression, anxiety, and fear sometime overtake me. Then again, I want to get away from everyone, and everything at times. I feel too much responsibility for my mom. I feel I have to keep her happy and alive. (I don’t have that power, do I? Only God does.) But sometimes I forget.

I have had many years of stress from my daughter, who is now 19. So much drama and chaos. That went on for 15 years. She has now moved out, but the drama continues. My nervous system may never be the same.

When I don’t keep regular sleep hours, everything suffers. I don’t get my housework done, I can’t get out that much, I run behind on meal times, and I don’t take care of myself properly. Things like getting medications on time, fall by the wayside. It is a horrible cycle of never being able to catch up. So tonight, it is almost 1:30 a.m., and I am going to bed. (Early for me.) I hope that tomorrow I will feel better and brighter because of it. Sweet dreams everyone!

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