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(Note: I copied and pasted this from my article at Associated Content. Unfortunately, they highlight keywords when it’s published, so that explains the blue! But I think you’ll enjoy this one! ) It can be found as originally written here:

When a man realizes that the Christmas season has rolled around again, he will often make a face, roll his eyes, and pretend that it is a very stressful time of year for him. But of course he knows, that his wife will do 99% of the work, including shopping, decorating the tree and house, buying the gifts, writing the Christmas cards, wrapping the presents, grocery shopping, and cooking. So what’s for him to stress about?

Well, according to an article in the Daily Mail, men really do experience stress when having to shop for Christmas. How much stress? British psychologist, Dr. David Lewis, tells us that the amount of stress felt by a man Christmas shopping, is equal to the same tension felt by a cop dealing with an angry mob. Self-help authors, Allan and Barbara Pease, (Why He’s So Last Minute & She’s Got It All Wrapped Up), tell us that’s the reason why, when a man goes shopping for himself, he will “buy enough to last for the next nine years.” (Can I hear an “Amen” ladies?)

Apparently, men dislike shopping. No, let me rephrase that…they hate it! The Pease’s explain that since man is a hunter at heart, as evidenced by history, he prefers to “make a quick kill, and go home.” You won’t find men agonizing over a blanket for their grandmother, or a toy for little Billy. They have a list, they’ll check it once (not twice), and then rush home to view the Sports Channel. (However, they prefer to do their shopping on Christmas Eve, if at all possible.)

Women have a historical mode of action also. Since they were once the food gatherers in society, they head off with other women for the whole day, to see what the selection is. They enjoy going from store to store, picking up items, inspecting them closely, and giving deep consideration to each purchase. Every gift must be perfect. They are happy to socialize as they shop, provided they have lots of time. For women, shopping is therapy.

Men on the other hand, must have a specific store in mind, a clear goal, and ten minutes to spare. If he’s going to do any socializing with men, it will be over a beer, at the nearest sports bar.

We all know that men are “fixers”. If we come to them crying over something we consider monumental, they will simply come up with a quick solution. I hate to tell you this ladies, but they shop the same way. Buying a gift for you is viewed as a problem that needs a solution. He looks for something functional, to meet a need. So don’t be surprised if you end up with a vacuum or a riding lawnmower, instead of a Sorrelli necklace or expensive perfume. (The least he could do is get you a riding vacuum cleaner!)

Men, we are begging you, don’t get us something useful! We do not want can openers, skillets, alarm clocks, garage door openers, or tools. We want something romantic-something that says you care, and that you have given some thought to the gift. A disposable camera from an all night Walmart will not get you any points! (Neither will a barbecue grill, in most cases.) We want something personal, like jewelry (you cannot go wrong here), a music box, our favorite perfume, a book of poetry, dainty knick knacks, candles, lotions (try Bath and Body Works), etc. (Anything but an appliance!)

Now ladies, apparently if you want a little help around the house before Christmas, you must only give your man one task at a time. Women are well known multitaskers, while men are not. I’m sure that you have sent your darling out to get the dry cleaning, some soda, some laundry detergent, some lights for the tree, and a loaf of bread. (Consider yourself highly blessed if you just got the bread.) Research by Roger Gorski, of the University of California at Los Angeles, has determined that men’s brains are compartmentalized. This means they do one thing at a time. A woman, on the other hand, can do several unrelated things at once. We can cook supper, feed the baby, watch TV, talk on the phone, write Christmas cards, and paint our fingernails. (Okay, a slight exaggeration.) But the point here, is to give your honey one task at a time, and remember his brain is wired differently.

Now let’s discuss wrapping. First of all, a man would like to have the gift wrapped at the store for him (if he thinks of it.) But if he doesn’t, don’t be surprised to have him present it to you, in the store bag, with one of those pathetic sticky bows on the side. Men fail to see the importance of wrapping a gift, if you are just going to tear off the paper. And now that gift bags are all the rage, don’t ever expect him to actually wrap a present again. That would mean locating the paper, tape, and scissors, and that’s just far too stressful. (Keep in mind, it’s the thought that counts, and be glad it’s in a bag at all.)

So, this Christmas, instead of fighting and feuding over your differences, remember what I’ve told you. Men and women are different, and I’m not just talking anatomy. We think differently and see things differently, and accepting this will prevent a lot of unnecessary heartache. In fact, The Pease’s remind us at the end of their article in the Daily Mail, that “just about the only thing men and women have in common, is they belong to the same species.”

(Okay guys, I hope you know that this article was all in good fun. We need you, we love you, but remember no appliances! Merry Christmas!)



One Comment

  1. I’m thinking of never buying anything again . . . ever.

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